How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
