When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
