Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
only you would photoshop your dick
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
