Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
