i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
