I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
