I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
