went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
