i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize