He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
