you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
being pregnant is like rehab
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
