we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize