Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
