oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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