she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
