I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
