just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
