This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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