"it" just moved
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
