I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize