So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
