he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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