I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
