Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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