what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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