at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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