you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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