I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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