so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
