You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize