I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
