im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
