sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
