Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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