The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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