nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
