hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
