I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
