Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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