it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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