worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize