i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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