Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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