i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
