i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
