Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
