i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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