My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
