you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
