Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
