Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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