Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
