Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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