so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
