I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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