All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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