I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
