that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
cat food counts as protein by the way
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
