If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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