I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
