He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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