you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
