So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
