did you get engaged???
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
