dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
