I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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