its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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