thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
