grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
