I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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