Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
