i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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