Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
