I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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