there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
