My brain says no but my pants say off.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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