put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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