piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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