My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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