The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize