Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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