He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
