the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
PANTIES FOUND
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