Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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