he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
honey bunches of taint.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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