The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
