We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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