apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
