so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize