I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
