6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
