Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
