So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
