Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
