We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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