I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
