yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
