some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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