both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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