I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish my penis had an off switch
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
