I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
