Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
