Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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