First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
