It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
