For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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